Newsletter
Pizza Boxes From Ponysaurus Get a Little Crazy With the Long Copy
Get 360 'points of view' with your order
Finally, a pizza box with more to say than “Made Fresh!” and “Piping Hot!”—a lot more.
In an explosion of words designed to spark conversations across a range of topics, Ponysaurus Brewing Co. has begun covering its pizza packaging with multiple “points of view.” The client worked with agency Baldwin& (whose founder David Baldwin is a Ponysaurus co-owner) to produce 360 “hot takes,” decorating four different boxes with 90 sayings apiece.
These pearls of wisdom run the gamut from random observations and amusing insights to pop-culture opinions and pleas for folks to get along. Examples include “Beer is good,” “Cold beer is best,” “Velvet is too soft,” “L-M-N-O-P should be one letter,” “Straws are lame. Drink with your face,” “The Beatles > The Stones,” “The death penalty is wrong,” “Don’t be mean to people” and “Weird is good.”
Click the images to enlarge:
You want anchovies with those long-copy pies? Perhaps not, as the effort dropped in time for National Pizza With the Works, Except Anchovies Day on Nov. 12. (Yes, that’s real. But hardly a thing.)
“Ponysaurus has always been a brand that’s not afraid to shout its opinions loud and clear,” Baldwin& ECD Mitch Bennett tells Muse. Examples include initiatives to aid the LGBT+ community in North Carolina, such as “Don’t Be Mean” (which opposed discriminatory legislation), and a “Fund for the Fabulous” designed to help empathy outpace ignorance.
“So, when it came time to launch pizza as an offering, it made sense to share some more opinions.” Bennett says. “With pizza being a perfect circle, we wanted to complete all 360 degrees of tasty roundness.”
Indeed, the four “Pizza With a Point” box designs fit together, forming a 360-degree grease-stained, cheese-spattered, logo-rocking work of … art? (Actually, pop art does spring to mind. This is the kind of stuff groovy hipsters back in the day might have tried as a gallery piece, sans branding.)
Folks collecting all four designs win a free beer. Agency and client employees generated the text, printed on 2,000 boxes so far, with more in the works.
“It’s inspired by the joy of reading cereal boxes as kids,” explains Bennett. “We wanted something entertaining—and something that could kick off great discussions as people read and agree or disagree with the POVs. We’re hoping for fun debate on social. There’s a call-out to let us know immediately if you disagree with anything.”
Bennett’s fave? ” ‘Buy from any kid’s lemonade stand. But don’t drink it, cause it’s probably bad,’ ” he says. “We got rid of anything that felt too mean. That was the only rule. The hardest part copy-wise was shortening some of the longer ones to fit.”
When done right, copy-intensive ads can prove effective, stimulating alternatives to marketing’s non-stop graphical assault. In recent years, we’ve seen wordy wonders for airlines, digital forums, newspapers, oat milk and an Avon project battling domestic abuse.
For Ponysaurus, there’s a campy audiobook, too, with voice artist Rob Milton cast as Mucho Mozzarellaman III, aka Armando Bellybuddy Jr. His recitations are “Brought to you by pepperoni. Pepperoni! Don’t worry about what’s inside. It’s delicious.”
You can savor every word of pizza-box copy below. Alas, there’s no complimentary brew for reading to the end of the list, just a sense of personal accomplishment and eye strain.
Pizza With a Point
360 of them to be exact
1. Beer is good
2. Cold beer is best
3. Beards are just another form of makeup
4. Velvet is too soft
5. “L-M-N-O-P” should be one letter
6. If dolphins are so smart, let’s see their SAT scores
7. Your cursive is impossible to read
8. Straws are lame. Drink with your face
9. The Godfather Part III isn’t underrated
10. Armadillos are a mistake
11. The death penalty is wrong
12. The Beatles > The Stones
13. The Stones > pretty much everything else
14. The G.O.T. book series could still end well
15. The chunkier the ice cream, the better
16. Don’t be mean to people
17. Puns are fun; we should stop pun-shaming
18. Weird is good
19. Spending time outdoors makes you happier
20. Sans serif fonts are better
21. There’s nothing more important than family
22. But sometimes you have to assemble your own
23. Daylight Saving Time sures wastes a lot of time
24. Hockey is much better to watch in person
25. Golf isn’t
26. Board games are under played
27. Hot dogs aren’t sandwiches
28. Pandemics are lame
29. Learning languages es una virtud
30. No one boards a plane like Southwest, thankfully
31. Gerrymandering is wrong, no matter where you ask
32. Term limits would fix a lot of problems
33. Ranked-choice elections would fix a lot of problems
34. Getting money out of politics would fix a lot of problems
35. Don’t murder anyone! Seriously! Enough with the murder!
36. Dark chocolate makes milk chocolate look like white chocolate
37. There is a right time, place, and sentence for oxford commas
38. It’s impossible to eat the “correct” amount of peanut butter
39. If we could have a beer with anyone living or dead? Living
40. Our darkest cultural moment: mustache-themed apparel
41. No betrayal hurts more than a chip stabbing your mouth
42. You cannot cut your own bangs. Put the scissors down
43. People who whistle in public should be on a watch list
44. Humanity peaked at corncob-shaped corncob holders
45. When vegans claim to not miss cheese, they’re lying
46. We should replace spiders with web-spinning frogs
47. Shakespeare could have held his own in a rap battle
48. Cheaters only belong in the Cheaters Hall of Fame
49. If you clog up the passing lane, you need to atone
50. Nothing is less satisfying than shopping for tires
51. Billionaires can and should end world hunger
52. Most good things happen outside your phone
53. Revenge, like pizza, is good cold
54. But forgiveness and hot pizza really are better
55. We need George Carlin back
56. Tomatoes aren’t a fruit, even though they are
57. Cilantro doesn’t taste like soap
58. “SpottieOttieDopalicious” is sublime
59. Today’s laundry is tomorrow’s problem
60. Guys named Chad get a bad rap
61. Chairs don’t get enough credit
62. Time flies like the wind. Bar flies like pizza
63. Better Call Saul > Breaking Bad
64. Slugs get so much unwarranted hate
65. Be a good tipper
66. The best humor is unintentional
67. Thrifted is almost always better
68. Snakes are cute
69. Disco’s not dead, it’s just sleeping
70. The next one is blank. We’re so interactive!
71. ______________________
72. Andre 3000 is untouchable
73. Norm Macdonald was singular
74. If you see a picture of a dog, like it
75. When in doubt, be quiet and listen
76. Time and pizza are flat circles
77. Toni Morrison blessed the world
78. A 4-day workweek would be aces
79. Social media is dangerous
80. And hilarious
81. And convenient
82. And scary
83. Hey isn’t for horses
84. Chicago pizza isn’t
85. Healthcare is a right
86. Please don’t call pizza “za”
87. Memories aren’t true
88. Carpet is overrated
89. Karma isn’t real
90. But irony is
91. Birds are odd
92. Buy American
93. Tom Petty was right…
94. …
95. The waiting is the hardest part
96. Dusk is better than dawn
97. Stevie Wonder is perfect
98. It’s good to do hard things
99. Anytime someone plays piano in public, listen
100. Buy from any kid’s lemonade stand
101. But don’t drink it because it’s probably bad
102. Don’t vote for anyone who mocks the disabled
103. Done beats perfect
104. But nothing beats pizza
105. Support your local coffee shop
106. Sweet tea cures hangovers
107. You get a tattoo, you earn a scar
108. Some people just don’t have a hat face
109. The Metaverse is the Matrixverse
110. Goose is my co-pilot
111. Idris Elba should be the next Bond
112. We don’t not like double negatives
113. Googling isn’t “doing your own research”
114. Thumbs-up for guyliner
115. The Skipper would have eaten Gilligan last
116. Football should really be called Handball
117. If you have to explain a joke, it isn’t funny
118. Flatbreads are pizzas on a diet
119. North Carolina is the Carolina
120. Never eat anything bigger than your head
121. Eastern Carolina BBQ is superior to Western
122. “You’re Welcomes” > “Thank yous”
123. You can tell a lot about a person by their shoes
124. Every adult should know at least one card trick
125. You can’t be sad while riding a bike
126. School children shouldn’t have to pay for lunch
127. Ken Griffey Jr has the prettiest swing of all time
128. M&M’s are a great metaphor for anti-racism
129. Different colors on the outside, same on the inside
130. Real instruments are better than sampled ones
131. Flavortown should be a real place
132. High school math should teach you how to do your taxes
133. Most eager to please bassline: “Heaven is Place on Earth”
134. Greta Van Fleet sounds like LaCroix made a Zeppelin record
135. If Zoom fatigue is the worst part of your day, you have a good life
136. What’s it gonna take to get a fairy godmother around here?
137. “In the future…” is a passive aggressive opening
138. You can’t beat baseball
139. Yellowstone is just the Sopranos set in Montana
140. Beer and pizza go together like pizza and beer
141. We don’t need another Fast & Furious movie
142. Pluto is still a planet. Don’t ruin this for us
143. Cold pizza better at room temperature
144. Likes are just noncommittal retweets
145. “Off the Wall” is better than “Thriller”
146. Pizza is the only perfect circle
147. If loving you is wrong, I’m glad I don’t
148. Teachers should be paid more
149. Black is the new Black
150. Thursday is the best day of the week
151. Pizza makes the world go round
152. Who keeps buying the McRib?
153. Without music we’d be sad
154. There’s no such thing as unskilled labor
155. Abolish bologna. It’s spelled funny
156. We don’t believe the roof was ever on fire
157. Time is not a construct. You’re just late, bro
158. Stop televising the New York Knicks
159. Pandas will kick your ass, apparently
160. All weddings should have an open bar
161. Black Lives Matter (this is a fact, not an opinion)
162. The opposite of happy is hungry
163. Hurt people hurt people
164. RIP Phife Dawg
165. “Ether” > “Takeover”
166. But Jay-Z > Nas
167. Call your mom back
168. You make 100% of the shots you don’t miss
169. Sugar doesn’t belong in grits
170. Pineapple absolutely belongs on pizza
171. Or not, whatever
172. E.T. was a little extra
173. Fall is the best season
174. Unless you call it Autumn. Don’t be weird
175. We don’t deserve dogs
176. Sink faucets should be just a little longer
177. Poor Flat Stanley
178. Not all superheros wear capes.
179. Most wear tights, though
180. Hold music should take requests
181. It’s cool the British say “snogging”
182. There’s not enough time
183. No one likes a show-off, Chameleons
184. Seems impossible, but Fraggle Rock happened
185. It’s “y’all” not “ya’ll”, y’all
186. Carbs are not the enemy
187. Anyone here could be a shape-shifter
188. Bad movies are the best movies
189. Boiled peanuts are a treasure
190. Trump lost the election. Badly
191. Nothing brings you closer than a walk
192. Moms can lift cars
193. Introducing Black History Life
194. Exercise sucks unless you just finished
195. Pomegranate isn’t worth the effort
196. Puppies are overrated
197. JK, we’re not monsters
198. An occasional thunderstorm is a good thing
199. Penultimate is the second to least intuitive word
200. Woodpeckers probably annoy other birds
201. Mockingbirds are bullies
202. The best bands have the best bass players
203. Salt makes everything everything-er
204. People like ranch dressing way too much
205. Chicken-fried steak shouldn’t be a thing
206. Steak, you don’t need chicken to validate you
207. There’s no right place to cut your toenails
208. But there are many wrong places
209. America’s Funniest Home Videos is a uniter, not a divider
210. Camping is an expensive way to save money
211. Mashed potatoes are the insides of French fries
212. There shouldn’t be so many ways to skin a cat
213. Normalize therapy
214. And make it affordable accessible for everyone
215. Putting a Q-tip in your ear is the best guilty pleasure
216. If you see a couple on a run, someone’s not having a good workout
217. Inflammable and flammable shouldn’t mean the same thing
218. Sometimes an exclamation point is a middle finger. Thanks!
219. If all your exes live in Texas, you’re doing something very specific
220. Guy Fieri is a better person than his highlights would indicate
221. Traffic isn’t that bad if you have something to think about
222. It’s easy to binge-watch an entire TV season
223. And impossible to watch an entire movie in one sitting
224. The difference between a walk and a hike is the scenery
225. Everything tastes better when it’s made by your mom
226. When someone says “no offense,” they definitely mean offense
227. Santa is kind of a menace when you think about it
228. Did you just say “Good eye” or are you Australian?
229. Big Boi really is cooler than a polar bear’s toenails
230. Toilet paper roll position: always over, never under
231. At three apples high, Smurfs are bigger than rats, ew
232. Neurodivergent people don’t get enough credit
233. Multiplication is just addition on steroids
234. Nothing makes you look dumber than a sunburn
235. We should collectively forget Comic Sans exists
236. Ketchup should not be consumed before noon
237. Government-issued cargo shorts for new dads
238. There are just too many types of milk now
239. See a band you’ve never heard at least twice a year
240. Frank Ocean is this generation’s Frank Sinatra
241. Having a roof over your head is a human right
242. Grape is the worst flavor of most things
243. Sleepless in Seattle is a stalker film
244. We should believe women
245. Turn signals exist for a reason
246. Dresses should always have pockets
247. There are too many podcasts
248. And not enough books
249. Libraries are the best things ever
250. Don’t tell me to smile
251. We all have a little bit of Florida Man in us
252. Lost socks are living a better life
253. Dolly is a modern-day saint
254. Art is a need not a want
255. Tell the people in your life you love them
256. You can never have too many friends
257. Allergies suck
258. “No” is a complete sentence
259. Healthcare should be free
260. Tattoos are as professional as blazers
261. Bananas taste better with salt
262. There was room for Jack on that foor
263. Ocarina of Time was the G.O.A.T.
264. Bells, no whistles
265. Eddie Murphy is canon
266. Grief is a gift
267. We can do better
268. Socks should be fun, never funny
269. Don’t get the warranty
270. Laziness: good
271. Mayonnaise is weird
272. Not bad, just weird
273. Old dogs are the best
274. Legalize it
275. When you can, help
276. The plural of vinyl is vinyl
277. Yes, we can see your screen
278. Lazy Susan was probably just uninspired
279. We need common sense gun reform
280. Figments of imagination sound uninspired
281. Disastrous road trips have the best moments
282. Pizza is brain food, so grab another slice, genius
283. The Monkees are the real-est fake band ever
284. The “Birds aren’t Real” guy is onto something
285. The bigger the hoop, the bigger the heart
286. Kanye did not make Taylor famous
287. No emoji could ever replace the depth of :/
288. Not having an opinion about something is okay
289. “Baby Shark” was written the devil himself
290. Middle parts don’t look good on everyone, Gen Z
291. Not all stepmothers are evil
292. If cats were people, they’d be psychopaths
293. TL;DR goes at the top of posts, not the bottom
294. Minivans kinda make sense
295. If you text “haha,” you didn’t actually laugh
296. If you text “hahaha,” you did
297. Don’t take a job just for the money
298. It’s time to buy new underwear
299. The meaning of life is to create your own
300. Look up the Candy Bomber. It’ll make your day
301. Corporate language kills souls by EOD
302. A woman’s body shouldn’t be legislated
303. Change doesn’t happen overnight
304. Be thankful for the people in your life
305. Because they don’t have to be
306. You need 3X more garlic than the recipe calls for
307. No one puts their necks out there like giraffes
308. You don’t need a degree to make a good living
309. Rock doesn’t exist without Sister Rosetta Tharpe
310. Val Kilmer’s career makes up for Batman Forever
311. Texting “ok” instead of “okay” means you’re mad
312. You can change your mind about anything, anytime
313. There is no acceptable reason to sleep with socks on
314. Barnum & Bailey never had the greatest show on Earth
315. Anyone can be wildly successful with a little nepotism
316. Thai spicy and white spicy are two very different scales
317. “You’re a Mean One, Mr. Grinch” is the hardest diss track of all time
318. You can gauge a person’s politics by their milk preference
319. Goldeneye multiplayer settled more arguments than the DOJ
320. We miss the Harlem Shake and planning era of the internet
321. If you like all music “except rap and country,” then you don’t
322. Crocs are excellent repellent for the birds and the bees
323. Movies are better in the theater – even with people talking
324. At least one of your favorite memories is at a brewery
325. Whitney Houston sang the best National Anthem
326. It’s good you rarely have to spell “Albuquerque”
327. If you actually finish a ChapStick, you’re a witch
328. All the wrong people have imposter syndrome
329. Drinks taste better with a little paper umbrella
330. “Don’t be an Asshole Day” should be a thing
331. It’s high time we leave Oreos in the past
332. 8 buns. 10 hot dogs. Thanks, Obama
333. Breweries are our version of pubs
334. No one was funnier than Richard Pryor
335. “3 Feet High and Rising” is a masterpiece
336. “Chuck” is a funny name for a cow
337. Lunch used to cost $5 or less
338. Do something you love
339. And you’ll never work a day in your life
340. At least on PTO days
341. Our country needs Jordan Peele
342. Delaware is an example of onomatopoeia
343. We should all read banned books
344. It’s pronounced “Durm”
345. “Sea monsters” were definitely just whales
346. The Simpsons is our Nostradamus
347. Golf balls are magnetically attracted to water
348. Peaky Blinders was written in subtitles
349. Pepsi is never “alright”
350. Willy Wonka should’ve been arrested
351. In real life, Drago beats Rocky
352. QANON isn’t “Anon” anymore
353. It’s that dope in the Philippines
354. Be in love, every day
355. Tattoos don’t have to mean anything
356. TikTok is only as good as you make it
357. Let your brain be bored
358. No one’s actually read Infinite Jest
359. These opinions are 100% correct
360. In our opinion
CREDITS
Client – Ponysaurus Brewing Company
Partners – Nick Hawthorne-Johnson, David Baldwin
Director of Marketing – Sarah Voran
Agency credits
Agency – Baldwin&
Executive Creative Director – Mitch Bennett
Director of Design – Jen Matthews
Designer – Jenny Thackham
Studio Artist – Regan Wood
Associate Creative Director – Scott Chalkley
Director of Project Management – Tonya Martin
Photographer – Bob Ranew
Writers –
Scott Chalkley
Troy Harris II
Alexa Ingle
Caity Barnes
David Baldwin
David Dykes
Donnine Canamar
Emily Watson
Greta Bennett
Jen Hazelett
Jen Matthews
Jenny Thackham
Jerry Bodrie
Kateri David
Kelly Reed
Kevin Grealey
Lauren Stanton
Matt Wood
Mitch Bennett
Phil Simons
Regan Wood
Renée Tufillaro
